they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I've blown a few things in my day
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
