just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
