Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
