So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
