so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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