I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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