I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
