meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
