How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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