So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
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she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
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I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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