cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I am available for nakedness
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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