i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize