If i could tip my vagina, i would.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
