Betty ford says i'm here all night
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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