Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I'm passing your future prison.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
