the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
