I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
