imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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