I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
