You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Everclear isn't food dammit
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
