am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
