Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
