You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
