dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
