i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
