where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
