Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
