That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize