Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
