RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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