i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
