So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
