Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
