i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
