I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
zippers are such a cool invention
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
