4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
should my penis look like a turkey
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
