I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
