Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
