Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.