What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
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Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
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I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.