the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
