Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.