sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
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Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
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There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.