Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"