My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
