He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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