i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
