You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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