Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
