so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Oh god it's open bar.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
