my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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