Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
