You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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