I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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