Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize