Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
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