i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
