you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
