So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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