Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
