uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Rumble strips road head = magical
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
