As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
high people should be assigned attendants
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
