lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
