official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
