I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
