The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
